Now when I travel it is a memory carved into stone because I’m sharing it with people I love. Now when I go to work I’m a lot more cautious because I can’t afford to get fired, lol. Now everything is a dual affair… every move is a calculated step. Thus, I’m not as nimble anymore however, I’m a lot more grounded.

I haven’t lost my ability to fly but now it is much more like a 757 taken off instead of a solo fighter jet. Though it takes a lot more power to get one up, they fly a lot farther and a lot smoother. They don’t do a lot of fancy tricks but they sure ride comfortably through turbulence.

Walking through life with someone else is more than holding hands The Bible says in

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage [is] honourable in all…

The thought of nurturing two children with my beautiful wife makes me feel alive in a way that I can’t say I’ve ever felt before. That’s “fuller” living. Seeing ultrasounds of a tiny hand balled up and a little leg smaller than your finger can do some weird things to a grown man. Knowing that you’ve been given the gift of aiding two souls along the path of life is even more moving. I have two daughters and I see them in my dreams.

God has entrusted me with three beautiful women in my life. Now I have to do everything within my power to make sure they are cared for and happy. Ironically,

That’s Me… What About You?

So, why are you closing the doors? Why are you staying single? If your reason is the same as my reason was back in the day, HEALTHY AMBITION, then you are just fine. Enjoying “life,” God, and being the beautiful you that God has created you to be is a fulltime gig.

Exploring where and what God wants to do with you and through you could take a lifetime to experience all the details. Whether that is in the corporate realm or the religious realm, there may be a high calling that needs your undivided attention.

That’s a GOOD REASON to stay single.

That is what Paul was alluding to in the aforementioned text. He wanted to convinced people of how short this life is and how much good they could do for the kingdom if they didn’t allow themselves to get caught inside of the daily grind of worldly pursuits.

On the flip side, if you are not willing to invest in a long-term relationship because you are scared, bitter, resisting the norm, or just plain scarred then you have some soul searching to do. I spent a long time fighting my past hurts and fleshing out my true reasons for resisting a good thing when it came a long.

Most of it stemmed from the first serious relationship I had. It ended in total disarray. I’m a huge fan of strawberry cheesecake ice cream and know that standard cookies and cream won’t do. Being selective is a lot better than being resentful “til death do you part.” In short, TAKE YOUR TIME.

Don’t let any dreams, misplaced words, unacceptable stereotypes, or pigeon-holds corner you. LIVE YOUR LIFE! Don’t let being single turn into a curse by submitting to the opinions of others or living in hurt or despair from pass lost. It is truly a gift. Whenever it becomes less than that it is time to reevaluate why you are single. That’s what I did and I ended up married. You can do the same thing and end up single.

Bottom line: make a spiritually-educated decision that sits well with your soul.

Paul, in one of his most controversial writings in the Bible, declares that in his opinion it is better to stay single than to marry.

[I Corinthians 7:32-34 ...But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.]

Why would Paul say such crazy things?

You need only ask a married person to realize how much your world is turned upside down once you say “I do.” I was a seminary student with about 27 credits left to complete my master’s degree in Divinity when I got married in 2005. Back then I was the co-chair of the Black Student Caucus at my Seminary.

I worked diligently with interdenominational work to bridge the gaps between religious groups in the city of Indianapolis. I volunteered for countless noble causes. In particular, I spent a summer in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania working at a Bible camp for $150 bucks a week.

I was a part of Simplywriteous (a Christian spoken word community) where I wrote and posted new poetry almost daily. I wrote more stories, poems, songs, and sermons then I ever had in my life. I traveled more in response to ministry and fostering positive Christian friendships (Seattle, North Carolina, Atlanta, etc.). I even traveled to Africa and Spain. Ultimately my life was moving REALLY fast and I was at liberty to respond without much hesitation. I was nimble because everything was optional. I excelled at my job and saw openings in multiple areas before me.

Yet, I had the boldness to choose because I knew if things didn’t work out it wouldn’t be a big deal to do something else. I made more than I needed and my bills were an after thought. I finally thought I was putting work into the background and God in the foreground of my life. Yet, I was missing something. It was just this void that work didn’t fill, revivals didn’t fill, seeing the world didn’t fill, and friendships didn’t fill.

What About Now?

*Now, six years and two children later, I have a wife that is about to graduate (again), work more hours than I’ve ever worked in my life, worry about fluctuating heat bills, and can’t seem to find a safe enough car seat for my four month-old child. I don’t travel nearly as much. I honestly haven’t been anywhere extravagant in a few years (the longest I’ve sat still since I started undergraduate college).

Though I still read the Bible and stay actively involved in church, I’m not doing the amount of work I did before. Case and point: I was asked to go preach in Africa at a conference but immediately turned it down because I can’t afford to make such a big investment in airfare with my wife looking to take some time off from work while she nurtures our children.

I write far less. My creative juices still flow but I don’t have the free time to sit in front of a pad of paper and just scribble “blah, blah, blah” while my thoughts crystallize.

However, I know a whole lot more about kitchen tables, rugs, woman’s clothing, great romantic holiday ideas, women’s watches, and even (get this) women’s television/movies (lol).

You might not believe me but my life is fuller now.

 (Stay Tuned for part two as the next post.)